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Is It Ever Alright to Have Judgmental Thoughts?


Let’s first think about why you are asking this question.

  • Do you feel you are judgmental?
  • Do you think before you speak or do the words just fly out of your mouth?
  • Do others accuse you of being judgmental?
  • Do they think of you as a positive and optimistic person or as a negative and pessimistic person?

You might say, “So maybe I shouldn’t be judgmental, but don’t I have the right to express my feelings?”

When we call someone judgmental, we think of that person as having a superiority complex and lacking compassion. They are narrow-minded in our estimation and unwilling to walk in someone else’s shoes before criticizing. But isn’t it interesting that when someone suggests that we are being judgmental we leap to our own defense and proclaim that we are merely speaking the truth. After all, someone needs to point out obvious weaknesses, and if I don’t do it then who will?

How to Express Your Feelings and Opinions

You may be wondering:

  • Am I supposed to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around everyone’s feelings when there is an obvious issue to address?
  • Don’t we waste valuable time by sweeping problems under the carpet in an effort to “be nice,” and not hurt anyone’s feelings?
  • Is it wrong to be honest, direct and to the point with people?
  • Do I have the right to an opinion and can I express it or not?

A better question to ask is this: How can I express my opinion without being judgmental? There is a vast difference between appraising a situation and judging a person’s character. There is also a vast difference between expressing your feelings and passing judgment.

Examples of Expressing Your Opinion Without Releasing Judgments

  1. You can decide that you do not want your child spending the night at the neighbor’s house because you notice beer cans in the yard and see that the adults in the family are heavy smokers and drive recklessly. You are wise and justified in making this decision. You can make this appraisal without making the determination that your neighbors are loser parents who don’t care about their kids.
  2. Within your own family, you can admit that your spouse often says things that you consider hurtful without having a clue about how it makes you feel without defining or judging your spouse as cruel and evil.

Why it’s Important Not to Judge

Your judgment plays a part in the person being who they are. By judging them you get what you expect from them. Your judgments not only harm the other person, but they come back on you and you have to deal with the consequences of their negative effects.

All of this may sound pretty depressing to you and you may feel overwhelmed by how deeply you’ve entrenched yourself in judgmental thoughts and accusations. Do know, there is a way to stop the cycle. Read on to learn more.

We’ve been here and we understand,

Mark and Tammy