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Is it Wrong to Want My Parents Out of My Life?


There are several possible reasons why you would want your parents out of your life. Have they deeply hurt you? Do they try to control you? Are they a bad influence on your children? Do their issues rob you of time with your own family and add to your stress?

You may have thoughts like:

  • I had to put up with them as a kid, but I don’t have to put up with them now.
  • I’m sick of them trying to run my life.
  • I have enough problems of my own.
  • It’s all about them, what about me?

The Changing Dynamics of the Parent/Child Relationship

We have many long term relationships throughout our lives, but the parent/child relationship starts at the time we are conceived and doesn’t end until death. Adjusting to the ever changing dynamics of a relationship with your parents can be challenging.

If they live until an old age the relationship evolves from them taking care of you, to gradually becoming independent from them, to you taking care of them. Even in the most ideal situations where there has been healthy, affectionate love expressed and shared mutual respect exchanged—it’s tough to figure out how to rightly relate to parents. It all becomes vastly more difficult when there has been abuse and disrespect in the relationship.

Why You Should Include Your Parents in Your Life

Now, back to the original question: Is it wrong to want my parents out of my life? The answer is NO. The feeling that you want your parents out of your life is not wrong. You can’t control what you feel.

One word of caution: your negative feeling should not turn into an unwillingness to forgive or judgmental thoughts.

While you cannot control those instantaneous emotions that flare up, you can control how you think over time and how you behave toward your parents. Disowning your parents is not an option if you want to live a happy and fulfilling life.

This may not be the answer you were hoping for.

The messages you hear from our self-gratifying culture is:

  • look out for number one
  • every man for himself
  • don’t let anything (or anyone) stand in your way

The funny thing is that when we focus on our own happiness to the exclusion of caring for others we find ourselves lonely and miserable. You were made to love and be loved. You were made to be loved by your parents first and then to love your parents in return.

There is absolutely no doubt that some parents are terrible role models: excessively self-absorbed and completely irresponsible. You may even feel like you had to be a parent to your parent, that you were more mature as a child than they ever were as an adult. However, to say that these circumstances give you an excuse for disowning your parents is to lead you down a path that will only increase your struggles in life. The truth is that the path to having a blessed life is to: honor your father and mother.

Why Should you Honor your Father and Mother?

The word “honor” brings many questions to mind:

  • I’m not a kid anymore so why should I care what my parents think?
  • Is it appropriate to honor someone whose behavior and attitude is not honorable?
  • Am I making myself a doormat when I honor someone who hurts me?
  • Shouldn’t a person earn my honor and respect?

We understand that it is difficult to want your parents in your life when they have consistently let you down or worse, have routinely abused you. We want to help you learn how to honor your father and mother in a way that will not destroy you or your family. Read on to learn more.

Standing with you,

Mark and Tammy